My Neighbourhood Walk
2004-01-03 | 9:00 a.m.

"Put on my best old shirt and shoes, and took a walk around the world..."

I woke up this morning feeling completely different than any other. With the genuine feeling that I had a fresh page and a fresh new shirt; that today is the first day of the rest of a life that really can be something beautiful.

I tossed and turned; 7:30 on a Saturday on vacation when I don't even work until the afternoon is a little ridiculous. I retrieved my bottle of water from the kitchen upstairs as I slept in the basement. My bed in my room is completely littered with Christmas and New Years and things to be packed and things still unpacked. I switched off the Christmas tree, buttoned and unbuttoned my shirt.

By 8 I made the right choice by getting out of bed. I threw on some new black dance pants and a comfortable old hoodie. And you know what I did? I went for a walk around the neighbourhood.

My MP3 player, headphones and batteries never left my pocket; just me and my water and my footsteps. Bless global warming; it's unseasonably kind out. The sky is gray and the pavement is wet, nothing but muggy air and the thick scent of damp earth. I love that scent, I always have. It reminds me of Myrtle Beach and all my happy times growing up. When you smell damp earth, whoever you are, think of me and smile.

The streets were quiet and it was a welcome break. The birds squaked and whistled at me and my mind squaked back. I smiled at squirrels and they looked at me as though I'd gone mad. Maybe I have.

I thought about my present and future but not about my past. The chapters are closed, unfinished and closed. I don't think they need to be finished. I don't think resolutions and solutions and apologies are necessary, and I'm not moving forward. I'm just moving, period, and I'm ever so happy to do that.

I'm not the same tear-stained person that fell asleep watching Wayne's World and reading the newspaper with a caffiene buzz and a heavy head at 3:30 am yesterday/this morning. I'm not dreading four hours behind a register, or facing my parents, or cleaning up after myself, or even eating.

I'm looking forward to fueling myself. To feed my mind all the information I can stuff into it. To read things that don't even pertain to me. There are so many sunsets for me to see, there are so many people to tell about my neighbourhood. The walk helped me realize that. This is where I come from, this is my school and my smells and my sounds and my grey sky. I love it all. Even when it's been cruel to me, when my beginnings have been "cruel" to me, it's all a lesson. There's no rush to learn that lesson and it's okay to fall and cry and scream when the lesson hurts. But it is a lesson and it's going to be okay.

My pavement and my grey sky and my damp earth. It's not dark at all! It's alive, it's soft green moss between cement cracks in early January! In Canada! It's a miracle! It's the 5 foot blue heron standing in the murky waters of Indian Creek in the middle of suburbia hell! It's children yelling in their backyards before 9 am, annoying their parents quite accidentally because they're just so excited to have another day to play! It's a single stripe of illogical orange in a practical grey sky. It's beauty and it's been right there the whole time - no, it will be right there ALL the time. Whenever I need it. I'm one human on this lonely wonderful planet, on this huge mass of damp earth, and all this is around me. I can't wait to walk my neighbourhood again, just as I have before. I can't wait for you to walk my neighbourhood, and I can't wait to walk yours.

"As the sky is my witness, I'm never the same."

-S

<<<<< | >>>>