Too much reflection on fungus
2003-08-11 | 1:08 a.m.

Hell yeah I'm still focused on this.

...

BorkSpoo: Anyway, I'm tired of everyone's main focus during the best years of their life to be getting fucked out of their minds

BorkSpoo: This may have something to do with my dreams lately. Excuse me while I rant.

Bologna36: Yeah, I don't really understand that. I mean, I don't mind drinking, but it annoys the hell out of me to see people just totally fucked over.

Bologna36: Rant away.

BorkSpoo: Last night I purposely starting screaming, like, within a dream, to wake myself up. Everything was going normally in the dream, I was lying in my bed in the late morning. Suddenly the walls started to morph, just like in my real life horrific mushroom trip... whenever that was. A while ago.

BorkSpoo: I saw the psychadelic orange and green ponds on the walls, just like in "real life" during my trip. I heard the same hollow travelling sounds. In the dream (can you possibly follow this?) I made myself yell, and then I woke up. It was so weird.

Bologna36: Yeah, I can follow that.

BorkSpoo: Okay, cool.

BorkSpoo: I'm terrified of sleeping lately. My dreams are haunting me constantly. When I drink, I can't block out the memories of that trip, the feelings of a complete loss of the only thing I've ever had to depend on: my mind.

BorkSpoo: So why do I drink? I don't know. That's a stupid question. But I'm having all these weird little mini panic attacks lately, that no one sees, but I can feel. Awake or asleep.

BorkSpoo: When they hit during my sleep, I can shake myself awake. When they hit while I'm awake, I'm completely trapped.

BorkSpoo: I like to think I educated myself properly on mushrooms before I took them, but I didn't. I didn't realize they were right up there with acid and PCP, that sort of thing.

Bologna36: yeah...

Bologna36: I'm really sorry. Things like that are what always scared me so much about drugs. Hell, it's a major part of the reason I didn't drink, because it means my mind isn't going to work the way it did before and I have no way to know exactly what it's going to do until it's done.

BorkSpoo: Exactly!

BorkSpoo: I think it's functioning BETTER than before. I'm just not sure that I'm ready to "know" as much as I do right now.

Bologna36: You think it's functioning better than before?

BorkSpoo: They say that when you're on mushrooms, you can see the universe. That's not just something I heard from my stoner friends. The feeling you get is that you can see the universe.

BorkSpoo: Yeah. I know that sounds ridiculous.

BorkSpoo: I didn't say I'm liking this, though.

Bologna36: I realize that. I just don't understand how it's working better.

BorkSpoo: Yeah, I don't even know how to explain that one. It sounds like something I should be happier about.

BorkSpoo: I understand people better now. I'm extremely accepting of the differences between people now. I've never been so thankful of the things I do have in my life, the concrete things.

BorkSpoo: Anyway, DON'T DO DRUGS.

Bologna36: I don't intend to.

BorkSpoo: I know.

BorkSpoo: I'm sure I have more to say on the subject, but it's not really making sense right now. FunFact: I find it really hard to sleep in my own bed since the trip. Bad memories, I guess. I think if I clean my room, I could stay there again. I've slept on a couch almost every night since, come to think of it...

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