I thought I had a grip on it until I went to the library and they announced I have $5 in late charges.
2003-09-19 | 3:34 p.m.

Today it costed me $7 to eat at McDonalds. And all the bullshit I'm dealing with came to a climax at about 9:30 am. I had a massive panic attack out of the blue in my morning dance class. Hyperventilating, tears, the works. I stopped mid-dance, walk-ran out of the room and collapsed in the bathroom.

I can't do this anymore. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I wore myself out so fast. I can't take the hours of strain on my body every day. I take a dance class first thing in the morning, then teach one in the afternoon, followed by my placement in the drama class. Monday night: Guitar. Tuesday and Thursday nights: Senior Advanced Ballet. Wednesday: Belly dance. Friday: Working. Actually, I work every other day, for a minimum of four hours at a time.

I sleep no more than four hours a night now.

I can't do this anymore. I don't have anybody to talk to. Marissa gets it... she found me in the stall this morning and said that it boggles her mind how I cram so much into a week. There are no weekends for me. I work 8 or more hours on Saturdays and Sundays. It takes me three days to get over a hangover now because I have no time to sleep it off.

I've worked out my BMR and I'm burning off about a thousand more calories than I'm eating in a day. That's not healthy. Because like I said, I ate McDonalds today, for chrissakes. I'm ten pounds lighter than I was two weeks ago. I've never looked better, but inside, I feel like I'm dying.

How did this happen so quickly?

-S

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