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Freedom from Beedom
2003-10-06 | 11:06 a.m. 10:20 a.m. Marissa and I are leaving the school from our morning dance class. The parking lot is full but everybody is already in class. The only people in the parking lot are a group of 40ish year old construction workery men unloading constructiony things from a consturctiony van. Marissa and I are forcing our way through a conversation because we're both tired and disappointed that it's Monday once again. We climb into her good old Mazda MPV, shut the doors and secure our seatbelts in perfect unison. Marissa folds down the mirror to check her hair, and lets out a shriek as she sees a bee next to her head. She throws open the door and undoes her seat belt in one swift, violent move and screams for the bee to please get the fuck out of the vehicle. I laugh and start with a "Scream about it, why don't you Mari-AAAAAAH!" I throw open the door and leap out of the van, bashing my thigh on the door handle and almost falling into the car next to us in a desperate attempt to escape the stunned bee that appeared on my window. Marissa convulses in laughter as she settles down into the driver's seat again. I'm doing a crazy ISITINMYHAIRISITINMYHAIR dance, shaking my head violently, then get into the passenger seat to escape the construction workers who are now completely focused on the girly screamfest unfolding in front of them. No sooner do I get the door shut than Marissa literally FLIES out of the drivers side again, letting out a bloodcurdling cry. She ripped the rainbow knit hat off her head and swatted violently all around her in hopes of injuring the yellow jacketed offender, while I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to adjust my hair in the reflection in the window... ...ONLY TO SEE ANOTHER WINGED MOTHERFUCKER! I barrelled out of the van army-style and ran around to the drivers side, arms flying, yelling as though I was being apprehended by a striped, six-legged rapist. I darted back into the van as soon as I thought the coast was clear. The men by the van were way too entertained by our shenanigans. Marissa and I slammed the doors, wildly examined every inch of the van, then looked at each other. We burst into laughter simultaneously, a laughter that was far less controllable than any stupid bee situation. We could not stop this laughter. Times like these are embarassing, hilarious, and precious. I would like to apologize to the construction crew for posing such a huge distraction for those chaotic 45 seconds, thank Marissa for being such a huge scaredycat dork and partner in crime, and above all commend the bees for a job well done. Bees are the last creatures I would have looked to to help me lighten up right now. To those two bees, thank you for inciting that little parking lot riot. I hope neither of you were harmed, even though I've got a nasty bruise on my thigh and a pulled abdomen muscle from laughing so hard. I'm gonna wrap this fun-filled morning up the only way I know how: Subway. Eat fresh and be kind to bees! -S
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